#194: Two Thought Patterns Keeping You & Your Business Stuck

Hello there, health coaches. Thank you so much for joining me today. We've had a very busy couple of weeks around here, and this week I'm getting started with our 2022 Fast Trackers. We have our very first meeting happening this week. Many of you guys are watching, say hello in the comments. In fact, let me make sure that I'm broadcasting properly. Like I said, busy week, lots of stuff going on. If my, if my brain is like a little bit out to lunch today, that's why, you know, when you, when you suddenly have an influx of a bunch of clients at once, there's this whole onboarding process that has to happen. And it's very, very exciting. Um, and it can be a little overwhelming at the same time, but at the reason that we're gonna be talking about today's topic of thought patterns that are keeping you stuck is because you're never gonna get to this point when you're where you're rolling a bunch of clients if you have negative thought patterns running in your mind. We're gonna talk today about what those are, that are keeping you from ever getting, getting past where you are today ever getting to that next level in your business, ever signing the clients ever working with the clients. And, uh, I just wanna make sure we are broadcasting before I continue, because, uh, that would certainly help, wouldn't it?

Okay. I think we are good. Good. Good. All right. Well, anyway, for those of you that are here again, you can use the comment area to let me know any negative thought patterns that you have already noticed in your own mind. Oh, here we are. I see Chris is here, Winnifred and Susie and Cindy. Yes. Many of my fast trackers are here. So you guys already have a clue of what we're talking about today. So, for everybody else, this comes up all the time and it's not just in your business. We're gonna be talking about your health coaching business today. And I wanted you to think about where else in my life are negative thought patterns coming up. It might actually be easier to spot them elsewhere. Who knows? Right? So this is what they often sound like for health coaches.

I've heard so many through the years. I've heard them in my own brain and I've heard them from so many coaches that I, I kind of find that they fall into one of, of two categories. So the first is the, I'm not enough category. The I'm not enough thought pattern that just runs like this in our mind. And I'll give you some examples and I'll talk about how to work with that in just a moment. The other category is that I'm just not good at X, Y, Z, or that I can't thought pattern. And that one comes up all the time too. Oh my goodness. So do you have any of these, just say yes. In the comments, if you have caught yourself with a thought along the lines of I'm not enough, or I'm just not good at filling the blank, right?

These are the things that keep us from putting ourselves out there, moving forward. And they kind of give us a, a way to dig our heel into the ground and like, well, I'm just not good at that. Or, mm. I just can't do this. I guess I gotta throw up my hands like this and walk away. I don't want you to do that. I need you here. I need all our health coaches actively out there working with clients, making the world a better place. I can't do it all on my own. All right. I got some hands up saying yes. You know what I'm talking about? Here are some examples. So let's go with the, I'm not enough thought pattern might sound like this. I'm just a measly old health coach. I don't know enough to help anyone. I just got my certification from fill in the blank. IIN, HCI, whatever. I don't have any initials after my name, not a doctor. I don't have a degree in this. I don't know enough. How could I ever help anyone? Anyone, anyone have that one? Collect them all. I got a whole bunch of today. So maybe you've got the, I don't know enough thought pattern.

Here's another one. I don't have enough practice as a coach yet. I haven't done enough coaching, which is interesting. Cause you're never gonna do enough coaching. If you get stuck in this pattern, I haven't done enough. I haven't practiced enough. I'm not good enough yet. What if I don't say the right thing to my clients? What if I don't ask the right questions? What if I'm not good enough in my coaching abilities? Anyone? I mean, to a degree, I hope we all have this, cuz there's this healthy level of awareness that you're new at something. But I also want you to know that the only way to get through that one is to do the thing it's like saying you're not good enough at riding a bicycle. So you're not gonna ride a bicycle. Well, , that's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Okay. Winnifred says, yep. Again, she's been here.

How about this one? This is another very common. I'm not enough thought pattern. I haven't fixed my own health issues yet. So how can I help anyone else out with theirs? I'm not fill a blank skinny enough. I'm not whatever you think you're supposed to be. As a health coach. I haven't resolved all of my anxiety issues enough. I haven't solved my own autoimmune symptoms enough. Therefore, how can I help anyone else? I always joke when coaches say this to me, I said, oh my God, if I let that stop me as a health coach, I never would've worked as a single client in the past 13 years. Mitria says definitely me. I hear this one all the time. And I, I mean, I particularly hear it around weight loss because it's so visual. And so I think coaches, uh, actually I heard someone say it the other day, just about their age.

She felt like she was too old to be a health coach again, cuz people can see you. They can see you and not know that you struggle with Hashimotos or see you and not know that you're struggling with anxiety and depression. But when people look at you, they're gonna get good sense of what you look like. Right. And so that, that often comes up when people are talking about weight loss. Okay. All right. So I haven't fixed my own health issues yet. And then here's another one. Why me? Why would anyone listen to me? You know, it's like sort, it's totally the imposter thing, but like who am I? Who, what gives me the right ever hear of that in your own head? I know I have, I've heard all these in my own head at one point or another. So let's go through the other thought pattern and then we'll start workshopping these.

And if you have others that are related or if you can think of a whole other kind of thought pattern that I am not naming today, tell me in the chat. I would love to talk about yours as well. So let's move on the next thought pattern that I noticed coming up a lot is the I'm not good at, or I can't thought pattern. So here's a very common one. I'm just not good at marketing followed by therefore I can't do it. Yeah. Anybody anybody not so good at marketing. How about I'm just not good at technology. Mm. Just not good at it. Eh, that's just me, you know, I got brown eyes and I'm not good at technology. Mm. What are you gonna do?

Here's what I hear a lot too. Not from everybody, but you know who you are. I'm an introvert. I'm not good at talking to people that I don't know. Or I'm scared of being out in front of people because I'm an introvert. again, brown eyes, five foot, four introvert. And then I hear this one when it comes to just about anything from setting up a mailing list to figuring out how to work with a client. Uh it's that just, I can't, I can't figure it out. I'm stuck. I've been trying to set up this thing all day on my computer. I went down all these different rabbit holes, looking at all these different tools. I can't, I can't figure it out. And it's just this hands in the air, walk away moment. I can't figure it out. We get that a lot. And one more, one more before we start turning 'em all around. I can't afford to leave my full-time job.

A lot of people are thinking if I'm gonna start health coaching. Right. That means that at some point I wanna leave my full-time job, but I can't afford to do that. Therefore, it can't happen, therefore. Mm . I keep making that noise to me. That's like, just like shutting the blinds on the window. Mm. Like it's over. Mm can't do it. Mm can't afford it. Dump. make sure says you're stepping on all my toes. I know you guys really well. Cindy says I do not enjoy tech and find it initially intimidating in addition to not enjoyable. That's my negativity. It's okay. If we don't enjoy something, but when it's like, I'm just not good at it. Can't do it. Won't do it. Like there's no way it's ever gonna work for me. That kind of mindset. You've all heard about like a growth mindset, right?
Versus the fixed mindset. The Carol Dweck, you look it up. If you don't know what I'm talking about, the growth mindset is what we need to go for here in all of these cases. Not that fixed mindset of these are things I just cannot do, period. There, these are all things that can be learned. So anyway, when you notice a negative thought pattern arising, and as my fast trackers know, one that was very strong for me in the beginning was just very simple. I'm never going to run my own business. Never gonna run my own business. I'm not the type of person that runs my own business. I was very, very clear about that. When I was sitting in school becoming a health coach, I thought, well, I'll have to get hired somewhere. I'm not someone that runs my own business. I don't know the first thing about that.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have been in business for myself for 13 years, as of right now. Wow. Wow. For someone who doesn't run my own business, I sure been run my own business a pretty long time. So how about we just take our thought patterns and do something with them because they are not serving us at all. Here's how I want you to do it. Negative thoughts, not helpful. They're also not true. In many cases like the one I just shared with you. So whenever you notice a negative thought pattern arising, I want you to turn it into a question. I want you to become curious about it and just question it. So for example, the, I don't know enough. That's an easy one. What if I did know enough? I mean, like you could still say in your head, I don't just to be clear, everybody, I don't know enough to be an effective health coach, but what if I did, what if I did, what would happen then?

What, what if I did, how would I handle this situation today? What if I did, would I maybe go ahead and sign my first client? You know, kind of, what would it be like if I did know enough? Hmm. And then you start thinking things like, well, have I ever known enough to help anybody? Oh, you know, my sister had that problem. I was able to help her with that. No, no, no. I don't know enough. Well, might I know enough in some situations. So I want you to just turn it into a curious thought and question yourself about it. See if there's a way to think about it differently. Okay. What, how about this one that we went through? What if I don't say the right thing? What if I, what if I don't ask the right questions? I was just talking about this one with one of our fast trackers today.

What if I don't ask the right questions? Like, that sounds terrible. Like I'm not, I'm not good enough as a coach. I'm not gonna say the right thing to my clients. How do we turn that around? I want you to think what if I do ask the right question? I don't even know it's the right question, but something comes outta my mouth. Whoop. There it is. And it turns out that that's the exact thing that my client needed to hear. Cuz I'm gonna tell you guys that happens all the time. Sometimes you can be real smart and strategic with what you say to your clients. And sometimes it's just a darn accident. So, Hmm. What if I somehow manage to ask the right question? What would happen then? Oh, what would that feel like for my client to have a breakthrough or here's another way of thinking about it?

What if I do ask not the right questions? Would the conversation continue? Yeah, probably. Could I still have a productive conversation? Even if I didn't ask the perfect question. Yeah. Likely and by the end of the session, could you get somewhere, even if you weren't perfect at everything that you said? 1000% and it's just like our clients, you know, maybe they're not, uh, quite aware of what foods are the best for them, but they're gonna take a stab at it. Or maybe they are really not sure what exercise they should be doing, but they're gonna start moving their body in some fashion. And we know those are good things and they're gonna start to see some progress. Lori says, I get stuck with the confidence to go out and get the business. I have so many ideas and help motivate others, but then get stuck myself.
I need to go out and get the clients. Okay, Lori. So what's the negative thought that you're having? Cause you're having something that's keeping you from doing it. You said I get stuck with the confidence because what are you saying to yourself? Shannon says, what if I can't ask a question? I'm worried. I won't have a response sometimes. What if I can't ask a question? I'm worried. I won't have, what? If you get asked a question and you won't, don't have a response, that's a common concern. I'm not gonna have all the answers, but which is funny, cuz for some reason we think like we are like every, our client's personal health, Google, and they could ask us anything and we're gonna be able to spit out the answer. We're not, and that's not what we're supposed to be. So I'm gonna ask you a question that you don't have the answer to just ask it back to them.

I do it to my seven year old, all the... oh no, he turned eight . I do it to my eight year old all the time. Mommy, why this, why that, what up I, why do you think? That's a conversation, you know what I mean? It's not a conversation. People just throw questions at you and you just spit out answers. So don't be afraid to do that. Okay. Here's another one that we talked about. I haven't fixed my own health issues yet. That's the, I'm not enough. What if we turn that around? Have how could we, how could we do that? Maybe haven't I fixed my health issues to some degree that others could benefit from hearing about haven't. I learned through my own health journey, things that other people haven't learned yet. Couldn't I be a great guide to someone who is also going through the thing that I am going through that I have gone through.

And I'm still working on doesn't that make me a better guide for that person and a better coach for that person than someone who's never gone through it at all. Get curious question, the thought and why would anybody listen to me? Well, you know how we turned that one around, this is very, uh, Maryanne, Williamson. Why wouldn't anyone listen to me? You know, isn't that her thing when she says, why me? Like, why not you? Why would anyone listen to me? People listen to anything they see on the internet. Why would, why not you? Why not the coach that they hired? Why not someone who's actually gone to school for health coaching, right? People listen to their friend, their friend tells them to cut carbs or do whatever on the next day, you know, they're doing what their friend says. So again, why not someone who actually has become a health coach?

This is, this is all, there's a lot of silliness, right? When we really think about it, Shannon says, that's what I worry about. Not asking the right questions. Uh, yeah, no, it's okay. It's all right. It's like, you know, uh, the first time that I, I started lifting weights at the gym and I had never done that before. Right. Cause girls don't lift weights. So that was kind of like the thought in my head. And so I kind of walked over to the weights and I'm like, can't lift that one. That one looks too heavy. Okay. Maybe that one. And I wasn't really sure what I was doing, but I did something. Right? And that moved the conversation forward, like in my world, like my life changed as I experimented with it. And so like I said, even if you're not asking the exact right question, you're gonna still get somewhere.

Maybe you're gonna get somewhere. You didn't expect to go. Maybe you're gonna get somewhere even better. Woo Woohoo. And that really is the beautiful thing about coaching. A lot of times you can't predict it. And a lot of times you do get to the most beautiful place when you least expect it. You know, it is an awful lot like parenting. I, I will draw analogies a lot between working with clients and, and you know, mothering my sons because in a lot of ways it's similar and that's one of 'em. You never know what to expect. Do you and every time you think you got it figured out it changes says people literally listen to everything and everyone. Yeah. It's true. It's true. It's really funny. You know, if someone's not listening to you, it really has less to do with you and more to do with something. Again, some story in their own head. Why on that particular day, they don't wanna hear what you have to say, but it's not because you need to be a doctor. No. People don't listen to their doctors all the time. Okay. Let's get to the, 'I'm not good at.' What are you not good at? Go ahead and tell me in the chat, what are you not good at? What can you not do?
So when you think to yourself, the very common, I'm not good at marketing. What if I am good at marketing, that might feel like a stretch, but you have to realize that marketing is a huge topic. I mean, marketing is everything from how you talk about what you do to how you price it and package it. It's like everything that has to do in order to move someone, you know, towards you and become a client. Maybe you're really good at smiling at people. You know, someone else could have all these complex emails and funnels and social media, but like they're always scowling at people. Maybe you're very friendly and you have one of these faces. That's very inviting. Maybe you are just naturally good at marketing. Cuz like people are drawn to you. Even though you don't have all that email, fancy funnel stuff set up.

Right. Marketing is huge. What if I am good as some aspects of marketing? Hmm. What if I could learn something about marketing? I don't know. Maybe from Michelle and the health coach, power community podcast and the same thing goes through technology. I'm not good at technology. What if I learned something new and it wasn't that hard? What if have I ever done that before? Was there ever something I didn't know how to do? And then I learned it, you know, it's like my mom sent me an animated gift in a text message this weekend or last weekend for mother's day. And I said, mom, you've never sent me an animated gift before. And she said, well, I'm learning. There you go. there's someone who's not so great at technology. And she's learning what if I could learn? What if I could learn? And it became second nature.

Right? Curious thoughts. Okay. Um, I'm an introvert and I'm not good at talking to people. How do we turn that one around? How do we get curious about it? Am I ever good at talking to people? Are there scenarios in which I feel more able to open up and talk to people or that might be a good line of questioning? Cause then you know where to position yourself. I mean, quite frankly, I'm an introvert. You guys, I really, really have changed through the years. Running your own business will do that to you. But when I started, oh my own, I did not wanna talk to anybody. It's really just not my nature. So I feel this one. And even today, I know I'm more comfortable on camera, even though it's scary. I know I'm more comfortable on the computer. I still don't love being in a room, surrounded by people.

Like I rather love this online work versus having to go to an office or do events in person. That's just Meri says I'm not good at putting myself out there. How can we talk about that one, Metrius? Am I ever good at putting myself out there? Are there avenues? Are there mediums? Are there certain ways in which I feel comfortable putting myself out there? Cause what is putting yourself out there? Is it on social media? Some people are very uncomfortable doing that, but at a party you're very happy to turn to someone and introduce yourself, right? That's also putting yourself out there. There's vulnerability in both of those. So I would think about where are some examples of times and places where it does feel comfortable. And here's one that I just love cuz it hits home for me. Cause it really had a lot to do with how I started my health coaching business.

I can't afford to leave my full-time job. I mean, who can very few people are working full-time and like don't have to, I can't afford to leave my full-time job. I was working full-time in the ad agencies before I became a health coach. And I had no, first of all, like I told you, I had no intention of starting a business and I had no intention of leaving my cushy job. And I'm gonna tell you another thing. I don't even know how it all worked out because I got laid off. So I didn't have the luxury of figuring it out over time or like purposely saving money, preparing anything. It was just like, boom, I didn't have a job anymore. I don't know. The rent always got paid and life went on and 13 years later here I am. So I guess I could afford to leave my full-time job.

So what I want you to say in that situation is not like I can afford to leave my job. Cause that may not be true. But how about do I have to know? Do I have to know now how the transition is going to happen out of my full-time job? Can I leave some room for the unexpected? Cause sometimes right in life you just don't know. You could hit the lottery tomorrow. You could get a great big inheritance. I mean, I don't know. And you don't know how it's all gonna work out, but somehow life does. So let's leave some space for that to happen. Can I leave some space for not knowing how this is all gonna work out, but I'm gonna take the next step anyway. Let's just do that. We had some questions in the group this week and I loved all of them because I felt like for those of you who wrote these questions, you could have taken on a negative thought pattern.

But my impression was that you weren't doing that. So I wanna share these questions. Talk about them just a little bit and, and talk about how they relate to somebody. Who's not getting stuck inside a negative thought pattern. Okay? This one came from CJ and CJ said, I have a website that actually gets pretty good traffic, but I never get any inquiries for calls or ask any questions or any newsletter sign up. So I'm starting to find this very stressful. Does someone know why conversions may not be happening for me at all? So I think CJ easily could have stamped her foot like this and said, I'm just not good at marketing. That's not me. I'm not good at this. Folded her arms and walked away. But I really like how CJ asks this. Does anyone know why conversions may not be happening? I'm not sure I want to learn why my website is not converting the way that I thought it would.

And we talked about several different things in the group. I'll just briefly talk about them now. I mean, one thing is that it's very, very unlikely. Anyone's ever gonna land on your website, book a call and become a client that just really doesn't happen that way. A total stranger arrived at your site books, a call with you wants to talk to you and then signs up for your coaching package. Slim to none, my friends. Even if you have been doing this a very long time, like I have. So, a better goal for your website is that people are gonna sign up for your email list, but they're not going to do it. If it's like sign up for my email list or you know, get my newsletter. Nobody wants that. Nobody wants that. Right. So, are what... You know, CJ and I talked about it's like, are you offering something on your website that people want?

Can you give away something that is so valuable that someone's gonna go, here's my email address? Because that looks like exactly the things that I need that gives that, forces them to take that one step closer to becoming a client. They're not a client yet, but they're closer now they're on your mailing list. So lots to learn in the, the process of how somebody gets from here to there. But that's, that's part of getting better at marketing and that's exactly what CJ's doing. Okay. Here's another one from Calma I'm sorry, I'm not pronouncing your name correctly, but we're just gonna say Calma for now. Calma says I will be doing a five to 10 minute presentation for corporate employees during their lunch break. What are some good ideas for this? I was thinking something along the lines of teaching them, how to make simple, healthy recipes that they can bring to work with them, that, that they don't have to microwave something like overnight oats.
So here's a situation where, you know, you're going into a corporate setting. People take themselves very seriously at their corporate jobs. You're coming in as the health coach, maybe the thought could be, why would anybody listen to me? You know, I'm gonna be presenting to CEOs and CFOs. Why would they listen to little? Me? That could be the thought pattern, but I really like this instead. What can I do to draw them in? What can I do to interest them? What can I provide of value even to these people who maybe at first blush, wouldn't take a health coach. Seriously. I love it. So I really like this idea of teaching them to do something like overnight oats or make smoothies. But I wanna just take it a step further instead of just saying hi, I'm gonna teach you how to make overnight oats. I want you to lead with the pain points that you know, that these corporate employees are probably experiencing and then connect that to how certain foods can help them feel better.

So for example, maybe you can talk about how, um, they're experiencing that slump in the afternoon, that energy slump around three o'clock or four o'clock in the afternoon, and they're all gonna nod their head and say, yep, we know exactly what you're talking about. Okay. Now teach them a lunch that they can make, or they can bring for themselves that has more protein, right? So that they're not getting that dip in the afternoon or maybe speak to, um, stress or speak to their energy levels in the morning or speak to their focus. Maybe you can show them something that they can eat. That's delicious. That's very low in sugar, just uses natural sugars in so that they have better energy in focus. Right. I would just try to connect the dots. So it's not just like here's healthy food. Cause the only people who like that are people who already like healthy food, like you and me appeal to their pain point and go from there.

Okay, let's do one more. This one's from Coreen. Coreen Says, I am collaborating on a 30 day challenge at our gym with a topic being a sugar detox. I'll be speaking four times in the month in person to a group about different subjects. I'm feeling pretty stuck on what topics I should cover regarding sugar each week. Do any of you have some ideas? Coreen, okay. So I like this. Coreen's trying to figure something out and she could say, I can't figure it out. That could be her negative thought pattern, but she did a smart thing. She posted in the group. And that's a great way to turn around negative thoughts. Sometimes the question to yourself could be what kind of support do I need to be able to figure this out? And so maybe it's like crowdsourcing. It helps to crowdsource ideas sometimes. And that's exactly what Coreen is doing.

I just wanted to add my 2 cents Coreen, which is very similar to what we just were talking about. Instead of going in and being like today, we're gonna talk about reading sugar on labels. And you know, tomorrow we're gonna talk about the dangers of sugar and you know, sugar, topic, sugar, top sugar topic instead lead with the pain points. So this is happening at a gym. People are probably at the gym because they want to be stronger. They want to lose weight. They want to have better energy. Um, they want whatever, you know, like pick some of those main pain points that you know, members at the gym are having. And then talk about how sugar relates to that. How being on this 30 day sugar detox is not just like so that they can say I got rid of sugar for 30 days. Look at me, go look at my willpower, but how it actually impacts their bodies and their minds and their emotions.

Ooh, there's three right there, body mind emotions. But, but talk about specific pain points they're having with each like lack of energy, um, and, and mood problems. Right? And, and talk about how sugar relates to all of those. So I love that you guys are asking questions. I created the Health Coach Power Community so that you can ask questions so that you can crowdsource so that you can get out of your own head. So if this is a podcast that you listen to every week, but you've never contributed, or if you're somebody, one of the over 12,000 members in our Facebook group who hangs out and reads, but doesn't actually post anything. Maybe this is your week. Maybe there is that negative thought pattern running in your head and you can turn it around. You can get curious about it. You can ask for some help, you can get some support.

This is your place. You guys, I made it for you. And we curate this group to keep it a really safe supportive place. So you have my guarantee on that. In any case, it's been a pleasure talking about this with all of you. Fast trackers, we have our first meeting tomorrow. So we can definitely talk more about this, but we have so much other work to do. This is the basis though. If you have a thought in your head, that's keeping you stuck. You're going nowhere. I can't do it. You're going nowhere. I'm not good enough. You're going nowhere. I could teach you all the secret magic marketing tricks all day long, and you're not gonna do anything if inside your brain is telling you something like this.

So thanks for joining me today. I look forward to hearing about how you get curious about all of your own negative thought patterns and I'll see you next week everybody. Take care.